The term sleep divorce might sound scary but it’s not meant to imply that a couple is going through relationship difficulties. In fact, enacting a sleep divorce can be a completely healthy decision. All it involves is maintaining separate sleeping spaces, so each partner can tailor their sleep experience to their personal needs and preferences.
If you’re not sold on the idea of sleep divorce yet—or maybe you’re wondering whether it’s the right option for you and your partner—you’ve come to the right place. Here we delve into the details of what sleep divorce is and how it works, as well as the pros and cons of sleep divorcing.
How Does Sleep Divorce Work?
When you’re in a committed relationship, it’s easy to take for granted that you and your partner will share a bed at night. Maybe that’s how you’ve always done it and it never occurred to you that there might be another option.
In reality, you and your partner have the freedom to choose sleeping arrangements that work equally well for both of you—even if it means you don’t sleep in the same bed.
Sleep divorce doesn’t mean you’re unhappy in your relationship or that you don’t enjoy sharing space with your partner. It just means you’ve both decided to prioritize healthy sleep by sleeping in separate beds.
The most important thing to remember about enacting a sleep divorce is that there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
The sleep separation doesn’t have to be permanent, and you don’t have to do it every night. It’s perfectly fine to do a trial period to see whether it’s a good option for you and your partner before you make any changes to your living space.
What Are the Potential Benefits?
Restful sleep is essential for both physical and mental health, but it can be hard to come by—especially if you share sleeping space with a partner whose preferences or schedule differ from yours.
For example, you might prefer a soft, memory foam mattress while your partner likes something a little firmer. Perhaps you like to sleep with a fan while your partner can’t stand the sound. Or maybe your partner goes to work before you do and wakes you up every morning when their alarm clock goes off.
In situations like these, sleeping in separate spaces can be incredibly beneficial. Sleep divorce might also be a helpful solution if your bedroom can’t accommodate a bed big enough for two or if one of you is a more active sleeper than the other.
Whatever the motivation behind sleep divorce, the potential benefits are simple: fewer sleep interruptions, improved sleep quality, and increased duration of sleep. If poor sleep is making you both moody, sleep divorce could even be the key to saving your relationship!
Who Should Consider Sleep Divorce?
Now that we’ve covered the basics of what sleep divorce is and how it works, let’s dive a little deeper into the situations where it might be beneficial. You and your partner might consider trying sleep divorce if:
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You work different schedules and want to avoid disturbing each other’s sleep.
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One or both of you sleep restlessly, keeping the other awake with tossing and turning.
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You have to get up periodically at night (to feed a baby, for example) and want to let your partner sleep.
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One or both of you have a sleep disorder (such as sleep apnea or sleepwalking) that causes sleep disturbances.
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You and your partner have different preferences for mattress feel, bedding, or bedroom temperature.
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One of you snores and the other has trouble sleeping through the noise.
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You or your partner has REM sleep behavior disorder (RBD) that causes a person to act out their dreams, potentially putting the other in harm’s way.
If you’re still skeptical about sleep divorce, consider the results of a 2023 survey conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine which reveal that one in three people occasionally or consistently sleep in a different room from their partner.
In a survey conducted by SleepFoundation.org, over 50% of respondents who tried sleep divorce reported improvements in their quality and duration of sleep.
Are There Any Negative Effects?
While many couples benefit from sleeping separately, it’s not the perfect solution for everyone. Here are some of the potential drawbacks of sleep divorce:
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Higher cost: Instead of buying one bed, you’ll need to invest in two separate ones. Even buying two twin beds could cost more than a single full-size or queen mattress.
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Space limitations: Maintaining two sleeping spaces may not be practical if your living space is on the smaller side.
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Less intimacy: Sleeping separately from your partner could reduce opportunities for intimacy, even if it’s just the time you spend cuddling and talking before sleep.
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Reduced sleep quality: Some people just sleep better with their partner by their side.
Every couple is unique and there’s no way to know for sure whether sleep divorce might work for you is to try it out. Remember, you don’t have to commit to it right away—set a trial period of 7-10 days then come back together to share notes on your experiences.
If you and your partner decide sleep divorce isn’t the right choice but you’re still struggling to sleep well, it might be time to explore other solutions.
If snoring, restless legs, or other physical symptoms are disrupting your sleep, consult a physician for next steps. Otherwise, something as simple as upgrading your mattress could drastically improve your sleep quality, or consider an adjustable base that allows you to adjust each side of the bed separately.
Shop the selection of mattresses at Ergomotion to find your ideal sleep solution.